To fail is to succeed

You read that right. To fail, I've come to realize in the last few days, is to succeed.

I was raised in a home where failure wasn't just frowned upon, it wasn't an option. A phrase was drilled into me as a child: D.I.R.T.F.T. That is, Do It Right The First Time. In an attempt in some mind game, my parents repeatedly told me in eighth grade that I would never make it past the eighth grade. Despite my above average scores in aptitude and AIMS tests (math excluded) I actually had pretty poor grades all around. They were concerned, so made me want to feel the same concern. The problem was, I didn't. I was always sure I'd be successful; not only in school, but in most everything I attempted. It sounds cocky, I know, and that's because it is. I was a very cocky individual. It made life very easy for me back then. I was sure of myself and not much else mattered. (by the way, it worked and I graduated high school early and in the honor roll, despite sleeping though most classes)
Another little phrase I was taught growing up was "Say what you mean, and mean what you say". That's something I still hold close to my heart. The problem with that was they never said, "Say what you mean and mean what you say...within reason". So my mouth got me in a lot of trouble. A LOT of trouble. Another luxury of life: I didn't care. I justified it all by knowing I was speaking the truth. I was just saying what everyone else was thinking, but was too afraid to say. "Better is open rebuke than hidden love", Proverbs 27:5. It's still one of my favorites, and I took it to heart. Another horribly taken out of context justification for being a jerk.
Both of these things have led me to know that failing is okay; better than okay, it's true success. I've done so many things wrong the first time it's unbelievable. So much so that I've come to terms with knowing I probably won't get it anywhere near right the first time. Maybe not the second, or fourteenth.
But I'll keep trying. That's the success of failing.
I still have trouble taming my tongue. There are very few people who I'm unfiltered with these days. Which, to be completely honest, I don't know I feel about. While I've come strides from being the guy whose called a jerk on a daily basis and stopped counting how many people I've brought to tears with words, there's still a part of me that misses it. It was so much easier not to care. It was so much easier to just speak rather than have to think about how badly I'm going to offend someone.
But here's the kicker: In the last year or two I've cut ties from all the people who thought like I did. The people who encouraged me to be a jerk. And it feels wonderful. Relieving, even. So I had to take a step back and wonder, why? Is it because there's no pressure? Is it this disease I keep hearing about called a conscience? Or is it the people I've surrounded myself with? Have they changed me?
Yes, yes, yes, and yes.
All the times I've failed at biting my tongue, all the times I've screwed up friendships or relationships, classes, sermons, giving advice (be it warranted or not) have all contributed to the success I see now. To the change I see now.
I'll never get it down, not completely. I'll still make someone cry. Depending on the situation, I might even still feel good about it. The only thing I can promise is that I'll fail successfully. So friends, embrace your failures.